Semester Two, Week Two

My brain is fried.

My butt is kicked.

How do I go on for another 13 weeks? How?!?

Class Monday, then clinical prep work for 2+ hours, then clinicals all day Tuesday and Wednesday at 6:30 am with a 20+ minute drive into the city. Class Thursday, IV lab Friday. Attend those, and make sure you study.

Our first exam was yesterday, and while I passed (barely) I am wondering what happens if I happen to fail this portion of the semester. I've mostly decided if I fail that I will not re-enter the program again at a later date. That could change, but man, the humiliation of telling everyone "hey, I failed" coupled with trying (again) seems like too much. I'll become a phlebotomist, medical assistant....give up the RN dream much as that would break my little heart.

Something internally though tells me that I will pass.

I study like a maniac. I mean, I committed to passing. So, if I do fail, it won't be for lack of trying. I think in part what went wrong with yesterday's exam was that I studied the wrong material. I was prepared for everything but what I was tested on. That, and I guess I don't really have the best critical thinking skills. Awesome. I'll work on that, too.

Wednesday, during clinicals, I had a realization: I finally know the purpose behind what I was doing. While I was performing an assessment on my patient, it (whatever it is) finally clicked. I was all that and a bag of chips, as one of my professors used to say. I rocked that head to toe exam, if I do say so myself. For the first time ever, I felt like a nurse. When it was my long awaited day of administering meds to my patient, I knew what I was giving and why. I knew when administering rapid acting insulin that my patient needed to eat shortly after administering the medication. I finally understood, and it felt so amazing. There is a new found confidence in applying what I spent all last semester learning about.

I worry that I am not smart enough. This internal demon of mine, this uphill battle, this constant struggle of "You're an idiot and it's going to manifest itself" constantly makes an unwelcome entrance into my thoughts in lecture, clinicals, exams, you name it.

It's interesting, what we're learning. Heart failure, hypertension, CAD, PVD...I love it. Medicine has my heart. I want to get it, and so I study, study, study. It's just a lot. And I'm tired, so physically exhausted.

I just have to buckle down. I am determined to do better on the next exam in two weeks. I see this as a challenge. I am trying, I am giving 100%.

If it was easy, everyone would be doing it, right? It's (almost) worth the struggle.

Onward.

Semester Two, Week One

It began with a bang on Tuesday. Introduction, and then Fluid, Acid-Bases, and Electrolytes lecture. Meanwhile, throughout the entire lecture, I had no idea what my professor was lecturing on (H+? Acidosis? Alkalosis?) but I took the notes, imagining how I was going to tell everyone that I failed out in nursing school.

Wednesday, we had a math exam for clinicals. Pass with a 100%, you're still in the program, Anything less than 100%, you get one more try. Fail that, and bam, you're out.

I nearly died. For starters, my heart was flying and my hands were shaking throughout the entire exam, which really was only a quiz; 10 questions total. But, it was actually pretty easy, and I got a 100% on my first try. Hallelujah.

Thursday was four hours of lecture, and so it will go for the remainder of the semester.

And Friday was IV lab, where I learned about flushing IV's and changing bandages.

This semester is sure to kick my butt, and the amount of studying I have put in to try and even comprehend our first lecture is the rough equivalent to how much studying I put in grand total to the entire first semester. But, I can now recite to you the causes of metabolic and respiratory acidosis and alkalosis, and feel pretty confident in the rest of the material. First exam is Friday the 30th, so off we go. Insanity for the next 8 weeks of Med-Surg one, and Lord willing, once I pass that, we segway into Maternal Child Health.

The good news is, I still want to be a nurse. I just know this semester is going to be an uphill battle every step of the way, with lecture, studying, clinicals two days a week, and holding down a job.

Also, what's nursing school without a wee bit of drama?

Remember the cheating gal from last semester who duped instructors while passing clinical calculations? She also had a partner in crime.

Her partner in crime and I were friends on facebook, until she deleted me. I suspect she found this blog, which is okay, because I'm not keeping this blog a big secret.

Naturally though, I sent her a message; it read like this:

Hi ____,

I just noticed we're no longer facebook friends! Hope I didn't do anything to offend or upset you...if so, I apologize!

Anyway, hope your new year is off to a great start, and I'll see you in a few weeks! :)

She replied:

Heck no!! That was an accident. Ugh!! I requested you again. I think you accepted.

There's a couple problems here:

1) Deleting someone off of facebook by accident is almost impossible

2) She didn't actually request me again, so there was so way I could accept said false request.

So, thinking that maybe she was a little bit nutty, I took the initiative and sent her another friend request.

She denied it.

People, if you're going to delete someone off of facebook, don't lie about it. That's stupid.

Anyway, since school began, cheaters 1 and 2 now make sure to give me their best mean girl glares.

It's so intimidating.

Not. Ha! Drama is so fantastic.

Moral of the story is, don't cheat on exams, and don't be dishonest as you're entering into a very noble profession. Don't cover up a lie with another lie. And, if you're one of the cheaters and reading this blog, well, I'm not sorry. I will continue to be courteous to you, even if you try to give your very best glare, because I have morals. And I will become a nurse the old fashioned way: through not cheating.