Semester One, Week Sixteen (Aka: Sweet Relief)

When I finally decide to make this blog public, people are going to see how crazy I really am. This blog feels more like a diary than a public format kind of entry.

I've learned some things this semester:

1. I'm the luckiest girl in the whole world and I often don't even act like I am. I fail to see, every hour of every day how graciously the Lord has blessed me. True, I may not have everything I want, but I am where God wants me to be. The future is cloudy, but beside me is God. And that is all I need. He provides.
2. I have an amazing support system. 
3. I do okay being by myself. Transitionally, it was difficult, but I learned to make the best of my time.
4. I will always feel like the idiot in a room full of geniuses. I will likely never think of myself as a "smart" person, like I'm tricking the whole system, but that's okay. I'd rather doubt my intelligence than be cocky, thinking "I got this."
5. I'm not as dumb as I thought I was. :)
6. God is good, all the time. Even when I can't see/feel/hear Him. 
7. I don't need friends to survive, but it sure is nice to have someone around.
8. I love nursing school even more than I initially anticipated that I would.

I finished my first semester of nursing school with straight A's. The A's making all my manic hours worth it.

Some of my classmates reached the "I don't care what grade I get, so long as it's above 77%" mindset.

I dare not settle into that frame of mind.

As was the initial goal of mine when I began this journey, I don't want you to get me as your nurse and have to settle for the RN who stopped caring, and merely wanted a C in school. I want to be your nurse who pushed herself, for you, my patient, giving the absolute best care. I want be the nurse who gave nursing school 100%, not for a 4.0 GPA, but because your life and your health matters to me.

And above all, it gives glory to God to see how He can take a mediocre student who believed that nursing was God's calling in her life, stepped out in faith, and against all odds, triumphed.

I don't know if I'm going to pass, if I'm going to graduate, pass NCLEX and become an RN. I constantly feel like I'm going to fail, but I think that's what keeps me relying on God, and what keeps me going. I'll be darned if I don't give nursing school 100%

A few months ago, I attended a church, and the woman I sat next to asked me to share a bit of my story. I relayed the nursing school story, and she flipped open her Bible, sharing this verse:

"...He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ."
Philippians 1:6



See you in January.

Onward!

Semester One, Week Fifteen

"You may begin your exam."

My heart pounding, I begin to look over my math final; the test that will make or break me, so far as being a nursing student is concerned.

One row down from me, I spot her: my classmate who ever so slyly pulls out a highlighted note card from the right pocket of her jacket. I watch her place it in her lap, and begin the conversion portion of the exam. 

Adrenaline shoots through me; I turn to my classmate in disbelief; she too looks stunned. I kick the seat of the girl sitting in front of me. Weeks prior, she had asked me to provide moral support as she told the nursing faculty of what she had witnessed during our last math exam: a student cheating with a well placed note card. They were bound: Unless they themselves witnessed the actual event, there was literally nothing they could do. 

My classmate whispers "Tell her!" And so, with fear and trepidation, I walk down to my professor and say "She's got a note card in her lap, right now." My professor says "Really?"

I head back to my seat, trying to work on conversions, my hands trembling, heart flying, mind racing. A moment passes; I watch my classmate keeping an eye on the professor. If she thinks she is danger, she slips the note card underneath the bottom portion of her jacket.

Minutes pass, then an hour. Absolutely nothing is done. My professor makes rounds about the classroom, but this student has the art of cheating down to a T.

Nursing faculty come in to the room, while my math professor leaves. Still yet, nothing happens.

My math professor returns; I arise to ask her a question regarding the exam; she asks exactly what I saw; I relay the pulling the note card out of her right pocket story.

Cheating student turns in her exam, and leaves, never caught. 

I hand in my exam; my professor, in hushed tones apologizes, and thanks me for my courage. But; she didn't witness the event, and so her hands are tied.

It is difficult to watch someone cheating, especially with a class that I have fought tooth and nail with to comprehend. To see someone whip out a note card to use at their leisure while the rest of us are having to use recall just seems incredibly unfair.

My classmates and I once more discussed the issue with the head of the nursing program, but each time we are met with the same answer: "We didn't witness it; there is nothing we can do."

"There is nothing we can do." ...I hate those words.

Strange this is, I used to admire this girl. She's bubbly and personable; she's got a good attitude and is enthusiastic. My respect for her has dimmed, and yet, I still treat her as if I am none the wiser.

When all is said and done, though; I know I did the morally and ethically correct thing. Plus, I actually earned my A in math for clinical calculations; a class I feared for years. 

This week also brought about the end of pharmacology. I was not well prepared for the exam, and found a million other things to do besides study. A few classmates and I studied together, though, and I am proud to say I earned an A in that class, too. 

First semester is coming to an end.

Monday, after I've taken my Fundamentals of Nursing final, and the grades are released, I'll bid adieu to semester one. 

Hallelujah.