A week before I graduated school, I took a long drive. As I drove past the spot my boyfriend and I broke up nearly two years ago, I reminisced of how dramatically, excitedly, and interestingly my life has changed since I got the email that I was accepted into nursing school April of 2014.
I moved to the area still heartbroken over a series of events from the summer; the wounds raw and sore. Having never ventured out on my own before, I found myself with a peculiar older roommate who had a penchant for following me around and having the most bizarre conversations, like how she'll for sure stuff her cats when they die, so that they can always be with her.
I was sad and lonely most of the time, essentially the exact opposite of how I hoped I would feel. I worried I had made a mistake; that I would fail nursing school, that pursuing this dream would end much like the rest of my life; in failure.
Time progressed, my heart began to heal.
May 2015, my family and I were hit hard, again; a continuance of the summer of 2014's peril. The day after all was said and done, I drove, and cried. There was nothing more I could do. Classmates asked where I had been, what I had been up to. How could I explain?
Year one, done. Summer came, and passed. I dated the wrong guy, had my wisdom teeth extracted, developed complications, healed, sought housing, which resulted in a miraculous event: my own place for semester three.
It was a difficult semester, mentally, and emotionally. My thyroid levels were out of control, my dog became sick, and died, my friend was re-diagnosed with cancer. To be honest, I don't know how I made it through. The grief was real, dark, and I was drowning.
Another break, and I learned another hard lesson about life: sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.
Semester four, the last of them all. An uphill climb, stressful, yet it flew by, and I've connected well with classmates whom I had not connected with previously. Spring break, capstone begins; I learn what autonomy looks like.
Awarded for academic excellence; I was soaring. A few bumps in the road, for you know, with victory also comes hardship.
Capstone ends. And here I am, ready, at long last, to graduate.
Friday, May 6, 2016
Sunday, May 1, 2016
Semester Four, Week Fourteen
It was a little more difficult than I anticipated, turning in my badge shortly after I had finished the last hour of my practicum. It felt a little like turning in one of the last parts of me being a student.
When I first began nursing school, and what sustained me all throughout were, on those early waking mornings, preparing for clinicals, I'd remind myself that this is not about me. This is about my future patients, this is about the process of becoming an RN. Now that this phase of my life is nearly over with, and I face the reality that I am days away from graduating, and hopefully only months away from taking my boards, the accumulation of my forever dream of becoming a nurse is nearly here.
I've learned to balance multiple patients with a variety of health problems, piece together the pathophysiolgy of a disease process, but more importantly, I've learned how to communicate with patients. I think it's too easy to forget that our patients are more than people in a bed, more than people with a medical diagnosis. They're people with real health conditions and needs, oftentimes laid up in bed, at our mercy. They're people with pain, and if they rate it as a 9 out of 10, and even if you really don't believe it, tough. Act like you do, and give them their prescribed pain medication, while keeping your eye rolling and mean thoughts tucked deep inside. People deserve to see compassion, passion, and kindness, especially at the bedside.
I read a quote the other day that impacted me, simple as it was: "You'll never regret being kind."
This is so true, and important to practice in the nursing profession. Now, I know I am but a newbie to the scene, and I have a lot to learn, and I'll probably be duped once or twice, but I'll be darned if I will not be nice to my patients and co-workers, even on the days when it is trying.
Friday, I wasn't feeling so nice, initially. I was not particularly in the mood for patient care, nor was I plum pleased when my preceptor handed over to me three patients, two of whom would require a lot of care. I was worried that I would make a medication error and kill someone, thus being deemed unsafe to practice and fail nursing school. My preceptor and I were in the intermediate care unit, which is a step down from the ICU, and that meant that their admission diagnoses weren't exactly easy. I felt cranky, especially with an isolation patient in whom I had received in report was difficult, rude, drug seeking; you know all the characteristic qualities.
I walked into their room expecting to be shot down, but what I got, and what I saw was an ill patient just needing some love. Needing some empathy. I have never received so many thank you's from a patient throughout the course of my day, and when he, in a moment of feeling utterly hopeless, laid his head off his bed, bemoaning the fact that people judge him, and that really, he just feels awful, I knelt down, and stroked his head. Yes, that may sound weird, but this was someone who needed a human touch. He needed to know that I was in their corner, and that I was not passing judgement. I was his ally, and would advocate for him. It was one of those moments that reminded me, again, that this path in nursing, this career, is not about me; it is for the care of those sick, and in need.
The 750+ hours that I have spent in the clinical setting will always be remembered as my moments of refinement. I went from fumbling through head to toe exams, to developing confidence and proficiency. I went from wanting to know about diseases and how they manifest, to learning how to care for the patient, and having the knowledge to act as backup to my bedside care. In all, this has been the most incredible journey that I have found myself on, and I know that Friday's pinning ceremony is but a transition, stepping out from the student role, and into the role of a graduate nurse.
This has been a long time coming, but I can truly say that I am feeling more confident and prepared than ever before.
When I first began nursing school, and what sustained me all throughout were, on those early waking mornings, preparing for clinicals, I'd remind myself that this is not about me. This is about my future patients, this is about the process of becoming an RN. Now that this phase of my life is nearly over with, and I face the reality that I am days away from graduating, and hopefully only months away from taking my boards, the accumulation of my forever dream of becoming a nurse is nearly here.
I've learned to balance multiple patients with a variety of health problems, piece together the pathophysiolgy of a disease process, but more importantly, I've learned how to communicate with patients. I think it's too easy to forget that our patients are more than people in a bed, more than people with a medical diagnosis. They're people with real health conditions and needs, oftentimes laid up in bed, at our mercy. They're people with pain, and if they rate it as a 9 out of 10, and even if you really don't believe it, tough. Act like you do, and give them their prescribed pain medication, while keeping your eye rolling and mean thoughts tucked deep inside. People deserve to see compassion, passion, and kindness, especially at the bedside.
I read a quote the other day that impacted me, simple as it was: "You'll never regret being kind."
This is so true, and important to practice in the nursing profession. Now, I know I am but a newbie to the scene, and I have a lot to learn, and I'll probably be duped once or twice, but I'll be darned if I will not be nice to my patients and co-workers, even on the days when it is trying.
Friday, I wasn't feeling so nice, initially. I was not particularly in the mood for patient care, nor was I plum pleased when my preceptor handed over to me three patients, two of whom would require a lot of care. I was worried that I would make a medication error and kill someone, thus being deemed unsafe to practice and fail nursing school. My preceptor and I were in the intermediate care unit, which is a step down from the ICU, and that meant that their admission diagnoses weren't exactly easy. I felt cranky, especially with an isolation patient in whom I had received in report was difficult, rude, drug seeking; you know all the characteristic qualities.
I walked into their room expecting to be shot down, but what I got, and what I saw was an ill patient just needing some love. Needing some empathy. I have never received so many thank you's from a patient throughout the course of my day, and when he, in a moment of feeling utterly hopeless, laid his head off his bed, bemoaning the fact that people judge him, and that really, he just feels awful, I knelt down, and stroked his head. Yes, that may sound weird, but this was someone who needed a human touch. He needed to know that I was in their corner, and that I was not passing judgement. I was his ally, and would advocate for him. It was one of those moments that reminded me, again, that this path in nursing, this career, is not about me; it is for the care of those sick, and in need.
The 750+ hours that I have spent in the clinical setting will always be remembered as my moments of refinement. I went from fumbling through head to toe exams, to developing confidence and proficiency. I went from wanting to know about diseases and how they manifest, to learning how to care for the patient, and having the knowledge to act as backup to my bedside care. In all, this has been the most incredible journey that I have found myself on, and I know that Friday's pinning ceremony is but a transition, stepping out from the student role, and into the role of a graduate nurse.
This has been a long time coming, but I can truly say that I am feeling more confident and prepared than ever before.
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