I assisted a patient this week who was not assigned to me, but needed minor help. After everything was taken care of, I stood there talking to him. He had a fan blowing directly on my face, and some of my loose hairs were swirling around, movie-star style. (I was acutely aware of this.)
And yet, it took me by surprise when he asked me out.
For one, I'm not all that good when someone asks me out, and for two, I've never known how to respond to patient advances.
I flashed back to a scene in the Notebook (lame, I know) when the injured solider asks Allie out. She responds something like "Let's just focus on getting you better" so that is also how I responded. Then I high-tailed it out of the room.
This is medicine sometimes. Awkward moments and patients saying things they really shouldn't say. Handle it with dignity, okay? Head held high, smiles, confidence and never let them see you're about to lose your mind.
Nursing school is making me lose my mind though, I've decided.
Each week, after my exam, no matter how I feel when I turn in the exam (ie: awesome or OMG, I bombed this) I have to wait hours before the exam grades are posted. With each passing minute, my fears worsen (Oh no, what if this is it, what if I failed, what if, what if, what if........) and I can't focus on anything; my heart rate, anxiety, and general peace of mind go out of control. Maybe it is a control issue, but I have pandemonium every single week, which I've realized, isn't a good thing. You can't have that many catecholamines released into your body weekly without some serious repercussion. (Here's what catecholamines are)
I wish I didn't care, but with the class average for each exam going down, and everyone being what my classmate refers to as "frenemies", tension is high, people are cranky, and, we're all as a class slowly losing our minds.
Yesterday, we had class officer elections, and I "ran" for class secretary. I had two other opponents, and the one who wound up getting nominated was someone who joined our class a month ago. I guess that was an eye opening experience that my classmates really don't like me, as a whole.
But, and I am grateful to say, I have a handful of classmates who have become real, true friends, and I am okay with being friends with these girls who are not dramatic, who are kind, realistic, open and honest. I'm lucky with the few that I have to be able to count on them. One of them even invited me and some girls to Mexico for spring break.
Two more weeks of med-surg. Two. I hope to God I can pass the final two exams and make this class a part of distant memory. (Two bad I have to take continuing versions of this class in third and fourth semester....crap.)
Nursing school is kicking my butt, but I still wouldn't trade the experience.
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Friday, February 20, 2015
Semester Two, Week Five
Second semester is like this: You're never ahead. There is always a constant influx of topics to study, memorize and master, pre-clinical prep-work, attending and doing well at clinicals, and attending lecture all while finding time to eat (preferably healthy) and sleep. What I formerly considered "busy" is now replaced with the insanity that is second semester. Heaven forbid you fall ill or have any type of situation that causes you to get behind. That happens, and you are royally screwed.
Another thing is, I have no money. I checked my bank account today, and I have approximately $187 in said account. I was supposed to receive a grant for school, and receive a decent refund, but the grant never was processed (Lost check? Who knows; still waiting to find out what happened there.) So, with my scholarships, I received a refund of $3.67. That's enough to get me through the next 11 weeks till the end of the semester, for sure.
I'll admit it, good food is hard to come by these days. I have a fear of becoming overweight while in school due to my a) budget b) access to carbohydrates (they're cheaper than protein!)
I was so hungry at clinicals the other day, I nearly snuck my patients plate of untouched french fries. But, reasoning that that was unethical, I refrained. Hunger is not a fun thing.
Lecture this week consisted of GI, endocrine and diabetes. It was difficult to stay alert during lecture. I am just frequently so exhausted; I think about sleep all day long.
I've increased my studying times, and spend nearly every waking minute doing something school tasked.
Another exam today; my first A for the semester (about time). I think I'm figuring out the critical thinking/NCLEX style of thinking. It's confusing, illogical and weird, but I can no longer reason on my own; it must be done the nursing way, or my grades suffer.
I'm having difficulty gauging where my classmates are, grade wise. I continue hearing rumors that "so-and-so isn't passing" but time will tell in the next few weeks as we approach the end of Med/Surg and begin OB/Peds. I've opted for pediatric clinical rotations first, reasoning I like children and I like the idea of understanding their complex body systems.
It's non-stop insanity over here. Hoping I pass; worried about the next exam. I don't really understand the GI system, nor does it interest me. I have a B in the class presently, so....
Another thing is, I have no money. I checked my bank account today, and I have approximately $187 in said account. I was supposed to receive a grant for school, and receive a decent refund, but the grant never was processed (Lost check? Who knows; still waiting to find out what happened there.) So, with my scholarships, I received a refund of $3.67. That's enough to get me through the next 11 weeks till the end of the semester, for sure.
I'll admit it, good food is hard to come by these days. I have a fear of becoming overweight while in school due to my a) budget b) access to carbohydrates (they're cheaper than protein!)
I was so hungry at clinicals the other day, I nearly snuck my patients plate of untouched french fries. But, reasoning that that was unethical, I refrained. Hunger is not a fun thing.
Lecture this week consisted of GI, endocrine and diabetes. It was difficult to stay alert during lecture. I am just frequently so exhausted; I think about sleep all day long.
I've increased my studying times, and spend nearly every waking minute doing something school tasked.
Another exam today; my first A for the semester (about time). I think I'm figuring out the critical thinking/NCLEX style of thinking. It's confusing, illogical and weird, but I can no longer reason on my own; it must be done the nursing way, or my grades suffer.
I'm having difficulty gauging where my classmates are, grade wise. I continue hearing rumors that "so-and-so isn't passing" but time will tell in the next few weeks as we approach the end of Med/Surg and begin OB/Peds. I've opted for pediatric clinical rotations first, reasoning I like children and I like the idea of understanding their complex body systems.
It's non-stop insanity over here. Hoping I pass; worried about the next exam. I don't really understand the GI system, nor does it interest me. I have a B in the class presently, so....
Friday, February 13, 2015
Semester Two, Week Four
I woke up Tuesday with my dreaded knee pain. In case you know, or even if you don't know, I have chronic knee pain, which interferes with everything in my life.
A patient commented to me, when she saw me leaning forward to tie my loose shoe "I used to do that too, and then I ruined my back and had to have surgery."
Well, kneeling down is an excruciating option, so I plan my time to remain upright as often as possible, trying to avoid the pain.
I had physical therapy all during Christmas break, but according to my orthopedic doctor, surgery is [likely] in my future.
This week, I was told by my assigned patient that I am a liar, have a non-comforting presence, and am doing everything wrong. It was like the nicer I was, the meaner they got. Each insult they hurled my way hit me like a ton of rocks. There I was trying so hard, and there they were shredding me to pieces. And the thing is, I was doing everything in my power to make sure they were comfortable. It made me realize: nursing is not going to be a cake-walk.
We had a lecturer this week who is not known for their gift of teaching. About half the class left, but what really annoyed me is that some ladies in my class decided to post statuses on Facebook making fun of said lecturer, and uploading photos, detailing how they were skipping class. I find it disrespectful to mock anyone on facebook, or on any other social forum. It just really bugged me.
This week, thanks to all the new knowledge that I have acquired, I have diagnosed myself with a DVT, CAD, and intermittent claudication in association with PVD. I may also mention that I am insane, and am loving all the information that is thrown at me daily.
I was successful in passing my Med/Surg exam today, thank God. A B is fine with me these days; an A would be prime, but I can settle for a B. As long as I pass, I am fine.
I heard once that you can forget about having a life outside of nursing school once second semester begins. I am finding this to be more true with each week that goes by. The time is flying by, I am studying like a maniac, and pretty much have no extra "spare" time. Even while having dinner with a classmate last night, we discussed nursing the entire time. I am blessed to have new-found friends to share this journey with.
Blessed.
A patient commented to me, when she saw me leaning forward to tie my loose shoe "I used to do that too, and then I ruined my back and had to have surgery."
Well, kneeling down is an excruciating option, so I plan my time to remain upright as often as possible, trying to avoid the pain.
I had physical therapy all during Christmas break, but according to my orthopedic doctor, surgery is [likely] in my future.
This week, I was told by my assigned patient that I am a liar, have a non-comforting presence, and am doing everything wrong. It was like the nicer I was, the meaner they got. Each insult they hurled my way hit me like a ton of rocks. There I was trying so hard, and there they were shredding me to pieces. And the thing is, I was doing everything in my power to make sure they were comfortable. It made me realize: nursing is not going to be a cake-walk.
We had a lecturer this week who is not known for their gift of teaching. About half the class left, but what really annoyed me is that some ladies in my class decided to post statuses on Facebook making fun of said lecturer, and uploading photos, detailing how they were skipping class. I find it disrespectful to mock anyone on facebook, or on any other social forum. It just really bugged me.
This week, thanks to all the new knowledge that I have acquired, I have diagnosed myself with a DVT, CAD, and intermittent claudication in association with PVD. I may also mention that I am insane, and am loving all the information that is thrown at me daily.
I was successful in passing my Med/Surg exam today, thank God. A B is fine with me these days; an A would be prime, but I can settle for a B. As long as I pass, I am fine.
I heard once that you can forget about having a life outside of nursing school once second semester begins. I am finding this to be more true with each week that goes by. The time is flying by, I am studying like a maniac, and pretty much have no extra "spare" time. Even while having dinner with a classmate last night, we discussed nursing the entire time. I am blessed to have new-found friends to share this journey with.
Blessed.
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Semester Two, Week Three
Last Monday, my roommate had spinal surgery. It was an outpatient procedure, but upon her arrival home, she was in very rough shape. Reporting pain as a 9/10, and persistent nausea and vomiting, I placed a call to the on call PA. Once more, the reality of my budding nursing career hit me as I passed along the information, using medical terminology (yay) ie: vomit instead of "throw-up", and as I described to the PA what her vomit looked like (I could tell they were trying to rule out a GI bleed), I realized: I'm slowly transforming into an RN, without even realizing it. The amount of knowledge that I am learning is incredible. I sound half smart these days.
Classes were interesting if not complex this week, and I found myself especially disheartened over the sexually transmitted infection lecture. The way it sounded, everyone and their uncle has 1+ STI, and there's nothing you can do about it, sorry. I found myself feeling quite concerned for my romantic future, as stupid as that sounds. I don't want an STI, even if it can be "treated" with antibiotics. What a sorry way to end my waiting game.
The nurses at my clinical site unfortunately do not like my student group, though I can take a gander as to why. I've got one classmate who is hopelessly lost in the nursing process and doesn't quite seem to understand boundaries. I came upon the nurses talking about our group recently, and they stated they "can't get anything done" because of us. When they noticed I had overheard this bit of information, it was stated "You weren't supposed to hear that" to which I retorted "Well, I sure appreciate everything you're doing for us."
I try. I'm learning, and very much enjoying my clinical experience.
I had an evaluation at my job on Friday, and with fear and trepidation, I entered into my manager's office, sure that I was going to be picked apart--my last job seared that fear into me big time. No matter what I did there, it was always wrong.
This time around, I was met with kindness, and offered a job as an RN upon graduation. What a delight to find that I am loved.
I have discovered that nursing is very humbling. There is something downright human about giving someone shower, and being a part of their vulnerability. I am so grateful for the chance to be a part of the humanity, grateful for the gifts the Lord has given to me.
While it's taking all that I have, there are moments, such as today, when I realize; nursing even nursing school is an experience all unto its own. I'm in it for the long haul.
(Unless I fail.)
Classes were interesting if not complex this week, and I found myself especially disheartened over the sexually transmitted infection lecture. The way it sounded, everyone and their uncle has 1+ STI, and there's nothing you can do about it, sorry. I found myself feeling quite concerned for my romantic future, as stupid as that sounds. I don't want an STI, even if it can be "treated" with antibiotics. What a sorry way to end my waiting game.
The nurses at my clinical site unfortunately do not like my student group, though I can take a gander as to why. I've got one classmate who is hopelessly lost in the nursing process and doesn't quite seem to understand boundaries. I came upon the nurses talking about our group recently, and they stated they "can't get anything done" because of us. When they noticed I had overheard this bit of information, it was stated "You weren't supposed to hear that" to which I retorted "Well, I sure appreciate everything you're doing for us."
I try. I'm learning, and very much enjoying my clinical experience.
I had an evaluation at my job on Friday, and with fear and trepidation, I entered into my manager's office, sure that I was going to be picked apart--my last job seared that fear into me big time. No matter what I did there, it was always wrong.
This time around, I was met with kindness, and offered a job as an RN upon graduation. What a delight to find that I am loved.
I have discovered that nursing is very humbling. There is something downright human about giving someone shower, and being a part of their vulnerability. I am so grateful for the chance to be a part of the humanity, grateful for the gifts the Lord has given to me.
While it's taking all that I have, there are moments, such as today, when I realize; nursing even nursing school is an experience all unto its own. I'm in it for the long haul.
(Unless I fail.)
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