Semester Two, Week Six

I assisted a patient this week who was not assigned to me, but needed minor help. After everything was taken care of, I stood there talking to him. He had a fan blowing directly on my face, and some of my loose hairs were swirling around, movie-star style. (I was acutely aware of this.)

And yet, it took me by surprise when he asked me out.

For one, I'm not all that good when someone asks me out, and for two, I've never known how to respond to patient advances.

I flashed back to a scene in the Notebook (lame, I know) when the injured solider asks Allie out. She responds something like "Let's just focus on getting you better" so that is also how I responded. Then I high-tailed it out of the room.

This is medicine sometimes. Awkward moments and patients saying things they really shouldn't say. Handle it with dignity, okay? Head held high, smiles, confidence and never let them see you're about to lose your mind.

Nursing school is making me lose my mind though, I've decided.

Each week, after my exam, no matter how I feel when I turn in the exam (ie: awesome or OMG, I bombed this) I have to wait hours before the exam grades are posted. With each passing minute, my fears worsen (Oh no, what if this is it, what if I failed, what if, what if, what if........) and I can't focus on anything; my heart rate, anxiety, and general peace of mind go out of control. Maybe it is a control issue, but I have pandemonium every single week, which I've realized, isn't a good thing. You can't have that many catecholamines released into your body weekly without some serious repercussion. (Here's what catecholamines are)

I wish I didn't care, but with the class average for each exam going down, and everyone being what my classmate refers to as "frenemies", tension is high, people are cranky, and, we're all as a class slowly losing our minds.

Yesterday, we had class officer elections, and I "ran" for class secretary. I had two other opponents, and the one who wound up getting nominated was someone who joined our class a month ago. I guess that was an eye opening experience that my classmates really don't like me, as a whole.

But, and I am grateful to say, I have a handful of classmates who have become real, true friends, and I am okay with being friends with these girls who are not dramatic, who are kind, realistic, open and honest. I'm lucky with the few that I have to be able to count on them. One of them even invited me and some girls to Mexico for spring break.

Two more weeks of med-surg. Two. I hope to God I can pass the final two exams and make this class a part of distant memory. (Two bad I have to take continuing versions of this class in third and fourth semester....crap.)

Nursing school is kicking my butt, but I still wouldn't trade the experience.