Semester Four, Week Two

At the time of this writing, I'm beside myself in grief again, all teared up and snotty faced. It hit me out of the blue in lecture; we were covering shock, MODS, SIRS, and I wondered, did my dog die of shock? Did I kill her? Could I have done anything to save her? And as I wrestled with those thoughts, it only became stronger how much I dearly miss her.

At home, I'm reviewing what we learned, and I'm sobbing as I read about what happens to the GI system when its been subject to decreased tissue perfusion. New tidal waves of grief have knocked me off my feet today, and I cannot muddle through this material without profusely, and embarrassingly weeping aloud.

Days later, I still can't work my way through sepsis without getting teary eyed.

~Sigh~

Clinicals began this week. I'm at a premier facility (I don't actually know what that means, but I like the sound of it.) My clinical instructor is sharp, witty, and I think could be an asset to my budding career.

After ten hours of orientation on Thursday, and two hours on the floor, I then went home and did a few hours of prep-work. Lucky me, my patient had many complex co-morbidities and a billion medications to research.

Walking back to my car, I couldn't quite remember where it was, and so I wandered the streets of Denver, dodging the stumbling drunk man, and praying that I wouldn't be killed. (I wasn't.)

Back at 'em the next day, I was successful in trying my hand at giving medications via a dobhoff feeding tube, and assessing a patient in respiratory distress. Yes indeed, learning is happening here, even though I'm wildly exhausted and have little time to study. My memory is awful these days; I feel as though I'm in a fog. I literally cannot remember what someone told me after a few moments have passed. It's awesome.

My job is an hour and a half away from my clinical site, so every Friday night for the next month, I will further torture myself with an extra long drive after an extra long day, all so I can work for 8.5 hours, and bring in my awesome $~400 a month. #worthit #notreally

My limited time to study is further compounded by the fact that lecture is making almost no sense whatsoever. Literally, I was in lecture on Wednesday and felt like I had been dropped in the wrong class. The respiratory lecture was way over my head, and I haven't even begun that, as I make a desperate attempt to comprehend the material for my upcoming first exam; HIV/AIDS, immune system, autoimmune, transplantation/rejection, wound care/assessment, MODS/SIRS, Sepsis, septic shock, and severe sepsis.

God help me. Literally. I cannot make it through this semester without Him.